Age is a State of Mind

Yes, it is. Although usually, people say this when they feel younger than the number of the birthdays they have accumulated. Me? There are days I am convinced I am much older. In fact, I operate in a state of mind where I am at least 35, and most days beyond 40.

Why is this? I am 32--THIRTY TWO--for the LoG!. I am an infant in the adult world and in no way past my prime. So why do I feel like a washed up woman? Hell, I even LOOK really young...but in my mind my tits are sagging, cellulite has taken up permanent residence on my thighs (it hasn't, for the record), I have a slight case of dementia, and my ability to have children is a distant memory.

Is it the fact that I have worked my ass off for 11 years? I don't have kids, or even a husband, to age me rapidly. Is it because I became an adult at age 6? My ridiculous sense of responsibility?

Maybe I'm just tired. Really, really tired. I've been going and going and going since the day my mother gleefully dropped me off in North Carolina 15 years ago last month. It's time to take the batteries out (with a few minor exceptions) for awhile.

It might be time for a trip to XXI for completely age inappropriate clothing, followed by a night out in a college bar where I can prove to myself that I "still got it". This will be followed by a 6-month sabbatical from work so I can putz around with no responsibility like I should have done in my 20s.

I must find myself again. Not this ridiculous facade of self that has somehow come to be, but the person I want to be, and actually am somewhere under this rapidly aging asshole. The one that is thirty-two, adventurous, funny, happy, and open...to anything that may come her way.

Starting...now.

Comments

  1. Good thing that you are getting this out of the way in your 30's. It becomes much more problematic in your 40's when you have dependents!

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