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Showing posts from March, 2009

Damn it damn it damn it

I did my taxes early. I didn't lie. I got a modest refund because I refuse to lend the government money throughout the year. Guess what? I'm letting them keep my money just a little longer because I GAVE THEM THE WRONG BANK ACCOUNT NUMBER FOR DIRECT DEPOSITING MY REFUND!

Are you there God, it's me, Courtney? Are you done punishing me yet?

Bitches

My friend Erica is coming to town today. I'm so excited. A little female to female conversation. The world's problems will be solved by Wednesday.

Aren't We Just Dating the Same Person?

Over and over again? Admittedly this is a Carrie Bradshaw quote--and no, I am not an obsessed fan that likes to compare herself to a fictional character. Maybe a little.

Which brings me to my Big (really, too many similarities).

I think there is some truth to this quote. Although my take on it is the person you end up with exhibits all the traits of previous conquests, er, boyfriends good and bad (and in some cases husbands). Using my man as an example:

He has the emotional naivety of the boy I first kissed
He has the twinkle in his eye and sense of adventure like my best friend with benefits in high school
He has the bad boy mentality of the skater punks with whom I discovered I was female
He has the you know what and then some of a certain Canadian from my past
He has the resistance to marrying me in any reasonable amount of time like my ex
He has the "let me slap you because your an idiot" like a never should have happened fling I once knew
He has the best friend qualities like my…

No Worry Chicken Curry!!

I love me some Indian food. All the little sauces and breads and vegetables and small indian people who want to bring you BIG King Fisher beers. Yum.

While Himalayas Indian Restaurant is my favorite, I did have some surprisingly good Indian food from where else but Target tonight.

I was cruising the half-ass food aisles (this was not a SuperTarget) looking for Archer Farms trail mixes and those tasty little buffalo pretzels when I came across these pre-prepared meals---that weren't refrigerated. I must have appeared stoned to the average onlooker (for the record, I wasn't) because I stood there for like 10 minutes reading each package. It was fancy pre-prepared dinners--Pasta Herb Provencale, Angel Chicken (whatever the hell that is), and Tikka Masala--which is what I ended up with of course. It was seasoned green pea basmati rice and tikka masala. Just veggies, no meat.

It was yummy! Light, and good. A bit richer and not quite as spicy as I like my Tikka. That said, I've …

A Whole New Definition

I thought "unconventional" marriage referrerd to two people living common law, or gay marriage. This story has elements, but takes it to a whole new level. People are sick. Just sick. Maybe we do deserve to perish in 2012.

http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2009-03-20-ohio-exercise-death_N.htm?csp=34

Mickey D's Does it Right

Occasionally I get the urge to consume a chessburger, large fry and large coke from satan's kitchen. On average, about once a quarter I contribute to their bottom line. Today was one such day--and Mickey D's has come a long way.

Yes, there are new *healthier* menu options, but that's not what I'm raving about (my cheezbooger is just fine, thank you). It's the speed and accuracy of the double drive in. I kid you not, there were 6-7 cars in front of me and I was outta there in 5 minutes flat, food hot and in hand. They actually had McDonald's employees standing OUTSIDE in the drive through line to help expedite the process--a woman took my credit card, then I drove up and the window lady handed it right back. I literally rolled past the pick up window as another woman handed me my bag of deliciousness.

Nothing makes me angrier than inefficiency (literally, I plan "trips" around my house--i.e if I have to put the toolbox away, I wait until the next tim…

Happy St. Paddy's Day

First, I would like to say that I am not required to wear green because I am legitimately Irish. Just look at me (and watch my cheeks when I have a drink).

Celebrated with all the 20-something's last night in ATL at Fado. Had a fabulous time, but didn't really need the excuse to drink copious amounts of alcohol.

So, I'm in the bathroom and this very attractive little thing of a girl is freaking out and asking for Tums. She  nearly tackles me, and tells me her stomach is upset and she can't stop farting, and she's trying to hook up with this guy, and on and on and on.

First, I feel really bad for that guy---wonder how his morning is.
Second, I am really glad I'm not 22 anymore--although it was a good time.
Finally, my dog is a noxious outputter, so I had Beano in my bag--yup, sure did. I saved this little trixie with my Beano. She thought I was God.

About sums up the high points of my night. Do I have to go out and do this again on Tuesday?

Slumdrug Billionaire

Seriously?

http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/americas/03/13/mexico.forbes.list/index.html?iref=topnews

I most definitely picked the wrong profession if Forbes' thinks it's ok.

Cougar Spotting

They prowl my boyfriend's Facebook page. They wall post about sex that happened 30 years ago (not realizing everyone can see it). I blog about them. Now, they are forever immortalized: Cougar BARBIE! Go watch it now.

God as my witness, I will never be this delusional...or cruise Facebook looking for old hook ups to validate my aging sexuality.

Ew.

32 Flavors

Inspiration can strike at the most inconvenient times. I was well into this blog (post-31 Pursuits), but yesterday I heard a song from the past that struck me—32 Flavors, by Ani Difranco (also sung by Alana Davis).

“I am a poster girl with no poster, I am 32 Flavors and then some.”
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/anidifranco/32flavors.html
Fitting, as I am 32 and THE poster girl for 30-something “what now”? Not to mention the irresistible lure of writing a list of 32 things---attributes shall we say—that describe me and provide the impetus to my daily fodder. Genius.

I hope you will follow me to my new project and forgive my change in direction (see #16).
32 Flavors (note: not all taste very good)—and thank you all for your input, as kindly as you were.
http://www.thirty-2flavors.blogspot.com/

1) Curious
2) Driven
3) Sincere
4) Fun
5) Sensitive
6) Intelligent
7) Creative
8) Honest
9) Generous
10) Conflicted
11) Loyal
12) Resilient
13) Charismatic
14) Confident
15) Defensive
16) Inco…

Hoga

That's yoga--at home. I'm experimenting. I am in desperate need of toning this aging body, and the gym just seems so...routine. So, I'm going to go it alone with hoga, and supplement with some outdoor cardio (until of course it hits 100 degrees and walking to the car is ill advised). It's much cheaper than the gym, and a wii--which was my other option.

Simple. Except that this requires discipline. No matter where the exercise takes place, it still takes the motivation to do it.

I think the the start of fat deposits on my thighs and my man-stomach will do the trick.

The Frustrated Poet

That's me. My new brand. Considering it came from our agency's brand guru via a comment on my Facebook page it must be true. This comment stemmed from my frequent schizophrenic updates on Facebook yesterday---from dying to so excited to be alive. The really embarrassing thing is I would update my Facebook status MUCH more often if people wouldn't think I was totally off my rocker. I have a reputation to protect.

I do not consider myself a poet, but a writer, sort of. I will never write a book like the History of Love. But I can turn my observations into anecdotal fodder for the world to consume. I'm going to write that entertaining yet valuable lesson of a book that makes you look at life in a different way through humor...and anger, elation, insanity and truth.

It's a good thing I have other plans, seeing as it was confirmed for me today that I am an "undervalued" asset.  Since 1998, thank you very much.

Which begs the question---what the hell am I doing…

Do over.

Today is one of those days you just wish never happened. And it's still going.

My client's website is down (although I can see it, and yes I cleared cache and history), my dog has a "stomach obstruction" but they could't tell what it was because he had a ton of food in it ($344 to tell me nothing), and I spent my whole day once again doing everyone elses job.

They do not pay me enough for this. 

And my dog is a cutie, but right now he is eating everything in sight (can't feed him) and farting like a mad man. The x-rays did tell me he has a lot of gas...thanks, like I couldn't smell.

Please don't tell me to enlist the power of positive thought because let me tell you--I have been smiling, and thinking nothing but outcomes of what I wish (more like NEED) things to be and damn it, it is NOT working. Fuck The Secret. There, I said it.

Sometimes you just have bad luck and bad days. They suck. But as the never-fail optimist, it only means that I have a b…

Anbody Got a Gun?

Escape hatch? LOTS of Valium? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
I. HATE. INEFFICIENCY (and stupid people).

Ok, I'm done...for now.