All Over the Map

My head, that is. Ladies and gentlemen, we have started our descent, please make sure your seat backs and tray tables are in their full and upright locked position.

Physically I was literally across the map last week, when that Paula Deen bitch took my first class seat, but I am now grounded in one location as my head explores many--at one time. You know an outlet is needed when your significant other masters the art of relevant replying to incessant questions and comments and you believe they hear you. And care.

I'm crazy busy at work. Always, this time of year. Tis' the season. Incredibly, people who work with me (outside of my team and the client) can't comprehend why. Answer: Because I do my job--the way it's supposed to be done. So, loads of stress and late nights working. They actually shut the lights out on me tonight. At first I had visions of being attacked in the parking lot. Then, I thought, wow, that would get me out of conference calls tomorrow. Sad, I know. Kinda like when I hope for an accident on the way to the airport. It's called loss of perspective, and it takes two weeks off at Christmas to get it back.

But not this year. Thanks to my newly discovered ability to reclaim sanity, I understand balance. Ok, a little. This isn't as easy as it looks. Yes, I still get the jitters and yes, I can barely walk because my back hurts so bad, but mentally I know, "it's just recruitment advertising."  

As the streaming video of stress pixelates and buffers in my mind, I am also conflicted about the Yanks and the Phils, which I have been faithfully watching every night. I grew up in Bucks County, about 40 miles outside of Philly. But my mother was born and raised a Yankee fan, and subsequently I was taught to love them. My sister bailed when she got married, said she "didn't want to fight." Smart I suppose, but then again I was lucky enough to find a man who likes sports, but is nowhere near obsessed (kinda like my Dad, another post for another day). Instead, he teaches me the science of the game. Ah, a smart man. Anyway, I suppose I'm secretly pulling for the Phils, if only because those other arrogant jerks make too much money and sleep with way too many hot women to get my support. Especially the muppets, i.e. Jeter and A-Rod.  You know they look like muppets. Admit it.

Of course there is the pending arrival of my niece. I can't wait to meet her, any day now. Every time my phone rings I think something's up. It's exciting and nerve wrecking all in one and I'm not even the one giving birth (red flag, BRIGHT red flag). The evening before my Godson from another mother--yep, that's right and I could not be more honored--was born, I talked to Mommy after not connecting for a few weeks. I just KNEW that once we talked he would come. And of course he did, at 3am nonetheless. So I'm just waiting for that similar feeling for Ellie's arrival. I love, love, LOVE the babies in my life, but every now and then I secretly fear I will become Weird Aunt Courtney. The woman with all the cats. But I'll be hot.

Finally there is the move. Yep, I have to be out by December 31st. Where am I going? That would be an EXCELLENT question, one I am no where near qualified to answer at this time. I'm in denial. Not about my drinking. About my move. I'll focus on both in the coming weeks, promise.

So there you have it. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to My World. Local time is who the hell knows. For your safety and comfort, we ask that you please remain seated with your seat belt fastened until Captain Crazy turns off the Fasten Seat Belt sign. This will indicate that we have come to a complete stop and she has found her way once again.


  1. I promise to never let the girls refer to you as "Crazy Aunt Courtney", just "Drunk Aunt Courtney and that friend of hers".

  2. Love these...and darling, one becomes eccentrics, not crazy. Crazy is for po' folks.

  3. Every family has an eccentric Aunt! Your neice will be fortunate to have many eccentric Aunts including Great-Aunts!

  4. have to leave a comment since the leaving a comment function has now gotten easier


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