Moonlight Madness

I had the pleasure of experiencing someone else's mid-life crisis this weekend, albeit from a distance. I will call this man "Captain", as he was in fact the Captain of his own enviable pleasure yacht. Huge, outriggers, the whole nine, probably a million dollar boat. He was a classic, almost-too-cliche-example of what happens to a man striving to reclaim youth post-divorce, and my entertainment for the evening.

This happened on our very first boat tie-up but there was nothing virginal about it. Captain's boat happened to be in our chain, as a friend of friends we were hanging out with at the Full Moon party on the water.

The first thing I noticed was the cheesy purple cabin lighting, required of course for Disco Yacht. Complete with 18-22 (barely) year-old girls of the easy variety. Naturally, the men we were with spoke of abandoning our ship for theirs (men really aren't selective, admit it). Yea honey, you go over there and bring me back some gonorrhea.

In addition to his harem, there were several young men, Jersey Shore rejects, on board. Pop a pill, slam a beer, FIST PUMP!! This is where I became confused. Why the guys? My guess is they brought the girls. Because really, what 18 year-old likes old guys with money? Nevermind.

A little more about Captain...he's in his mid-fifties with a married 36-year-old girlfriend who wasn't on the boat with his barely legal harem because she was at home with her family. Did you get that? I could not make this shit up. And I am sure there are some men reading this thinking 'damn that guy is awesome'. Hence the notion of women as the superior sex.

Imagine the dicotomy...brie, crackers and wine next to jello shooters and Boone's Farm. Ryan Adams and T-Pain in a duet. Sweet.

The voyeurism came to an end when another Jersey Shore reject in Daddy's yacht (deemed "Syphillis") nearly took off the side of my friend's very nice boat, trying to squeeze into the chain next to Disco Yacht. We untied and started our own little party a bit closer to the beach. I suppose we all have our limits.

I hope Captain had a good time. It was clearly a case of people taking advantage of a wounded fantastically rich guy, but maybe being used isn't so bad. Being a grotesque cliche is, pathetic, however.

One little item I forgot to mention(besides busting in on some guy 'going down' on some girl during the boat tour). The aforementioned girls of the easy variety turned their coke-filled noses up at we women who wore clothes on our boat.

For the record...we swim naked, bitches.


  1. life is B O R I N G...
    the highlight of my weekend was asking my 2yr old if she had eaten "army men" when changing her diaper...

  2. Sorry. I'll tie up somewhere else next time.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Mount Everest

Winning the Work-Life Game

Good Times